Hide

Lying to hide.

Hiding from my lies.

Webs that intertwine.

Into a blanket that holds me down -

In shame and fear.

I might be looked upon,

Judged.

For what I am -

A liar?

A thief?

A woman of masks?

How long have I been this way?

Lifetimes, generations, eons.

How long have I hidden away?

Why am I so scared

To be seen in my truth?

It's time to break these chains.

Anguish for all the messages -

In my stories,

I hide in my lies.

Lying felt safe,

It protected me from harm -

It cut my ankles from my knees,

But at least I felt warm -

For a moment or two.

Living a life that was never my own -

Fearing a judgement born

From the eyes and hearts of others.

Breathing it into myself so

That they no longer had to

Hold me to it.

I need to stop.

Hiding.

Lying.

Mask wearing.

Running from my own truth.

Feeling debilitated by shame,

By change,

By seasons passing and leaving me behind.

Maybe if I was gone no one would know.

Notice.

Care,

Wish differently.

Tim said it is a reality that -

Everyone

Will love themselves

More than they love you.

I know this to be true

But also untrue

How do we love ourselves when we feel

So ugly inside.