The Beginning of the End.

This new beginning feels like an end.

I watch as things turn and fade around the bend.

But this sadness in my heart I'm not quite sure how to mend.

It's a yearning loneliness,

That speaks of chasm and death -

It's an ocean that says "you're not good enough,

You need to stay in bed".

What do you do when your body refuses to take anymore shit?

When the releases that ripple through you -

Rip you to shreds.

Bloody and mangled are my hands.

I claw and scream -

Deranged,

Mad woman,

I am death,

I am fire,

I am the burning of desire.

Will's end to survive.

Fear of what's inside.

Learn how not to hide,

Anymore or ever again.

Speak loud.

Unafraid.

Speak through the tremor in your brain,

That rips forward

The fabric of time and space

What space is never held for you -

How do you reconcile this pain?

You seek space in the outside plains.

Safe or unsafe.

I have sought escapes -

That have brought me a temporary peace,

To my inside landscapes.

Unsafe I have learned lessons that have burned themselves into my transcript.

28 and I'm still running.

Feet slapping pavement,

Breath choppy and staggered.

I am trying to stay in one place.

But I fidget and I fight to save my own sovereignty but if I have to fight is it actually sovereign.

I scream,

Endlessly.

Into a void that hears me -

Thank you void.

I feel so deeply.

I need to.

Allow them to move through me -

Not shut them in cupboards too high to reach and clean.

I am not unclean. I am learning.

Do not shush me.

I am here to scream.

To speak.

To sing.

To cry.

To feel.

To create.

To weep.

To experience.

To express.

To topple.

To burn.

To emerge.

Free.

By Ness Song